How to Support a Friend Going Through a Divorce

Divorce is a difficult experience, not only for the person going through it but also for their friends. Friends may struggle with knowing what to say or how to provide support. Offering support can significantly alleviate feelings of isolation, fear, and instability during this difficult period. Here's how you can assist a friend navigating this challenging time, drawing from advice for supporting someone through a divorce.

Key Ways to Support a Friend Going Through a Divorce

1. Just Listen: Sometimes, the most impactful thing you can do is simply listen. Allow your friend to share their feelings—fear, anger, loneliness, and sadness—without offering unsolicited advice or judgment. Listening provides comfort to someone suffering. Note: keep it confidential.

2. Maintain Confidentiality: Keep your friend's feelings and comments private. Sharing this information with others can lead to damaging gossip and rumors, causing further pain.

3. Offer Practical Help: Divorce can be overwhelming, with meetings with lawyers, counseling for children, and everyday tasks feeling insurmountable. Offer assistance with tasks such as dropping off or picking up kids from school, arranging playdates, or providing a meal.

4. Be Available: Mood swings are common during divorce. Be available to listen or offer a distraction, but respect your friend's need for space. Let them know you're there without being intrusive.

5. Encourage Self-Care: Major life changes like divorce can lead to neglecting self-care. Encourage activities that promote well-being, such as lunch dates, walks, hobbies, or relaxation activities like yoga or meditation. Consider a weekly "walk and talk".

6. Be Patient: Healing from a divorce takes time, often a year or more. Be patient with their process, avoid rushing them, and only offer advice when asked.

7. Reassure: Divorce can lead to catastrophizing. Remind your friend that their feelings are valid but that their fears are likely exaggerated. Reassurance can be very comforting, especially during a life-changing crisis.

8. Avoid Negative Talk: Refrain from gossip, rumors, and badmouthing their ex. Instead, focus on positive support and encouragement. Avoid taking sides to help children navigate their parents’ divorce without forming alliances.

9. Suggest Professional Support: If your friend seems overwhelmed, gently suggest professional help. Divorce support groups and therapists can provide guidance and coping strategies.

Recognizing Signs of Domestic Abuse

It's important to recognize that not all difficult divorces are the same. Domestic abuse involves controlling someone’s mind and emotions, and the signs aren't always obvious. If you notice these signs, consider that your friend may be in an abusive situation:

1. Fear of their partner: This may manifest as being scared to voice opinions, bring up certain topics, or say no.

2. Controlling behavior: The partner may bully, threaten, or try to control various aspects of their life. Examples include accusations of affairs, blaming for abuse, constant criticism, dictating appearance, threats of violence, and angry outbursts.

3. Financial control: The partner may control access to money by withholding funds, demanding explanations for spending, preventing them from working, stealing money, or denying money for basic needs.

4. Isolation: The partner may try to cut them off from family and friends by monitoring their whereabouts, demanding permission to see loved ones, or causing embarrassment in front of others.

5. Physical harm: This includes any form of physical violence, such as attacks with weapons, preventing them from eating, sleeping, or getting medical care, or physical attacks.

6. Sexual abuse: Examples include forced sexual activity, pressuring them to dress in a sexual way, creating a sense of obligation for sex, attempting to transmit STDs, or refusing to use protection.

Your empathy and support can make a substantial difference during this difficult period.

Navigate your divorce with clarity and confidence using The Divorce Navigator. This invaluable guide offers practical insights and emotional support—get started today with the first two chapters for free!

Need help navigating a divorce?

At View Ridge Family Law and Estate Planning, we understand that going through a divorce can be an incredibly challenging and emotional experience. Our team is dedicated to providing compassionate guidance and support every step of the way. We can assist you in understanding your rights, exploring your options, and developing a plan that prioritizes your needs and goals.

For assistance, call us at 206-703-0764 or contact us online to schedule a consultation.